You know that feeling when you’re stuck, like really stuck between obligation and what lifts you up?
I’ve spent most of my life there.
I had such negative outcomes in my life from not listening to my heart on things.
I would get incredibly stuck in the decision-making process, literally sitting on choices for hours, days, weeks, and years.
And when I would make a choice it was ultimately from the ‘good girl’ place in me.
The place that believes that if I do what I think is ‘good’ versus what I feel is right for my heart, body and soul, that somehow I’ll be loved more.
Especially by my Creator.
Call it the catholic good-girl-guilt syndrome
(I didn’t grow up catholic but my mom did and this concept is pervasive in our society and in the collective unconscious. I think we all suffer from it to some degree…)
When I don’t listen to my heart this is what happens:
I drudge through my choice.
It drains me.
It wears on me.
I feel a slight tinge of fake-awesomeness when my ego makes me believe that I’m being a ‘good girl’ and I’m going to get love for this (either from others or from God or both)
I hate it. Every second of it.
But I bury it.
And my body cries out (in the form of pain, misalignment, dis-ease, etc..)
I bury those feelings too and keep on moving, pushing to get it done, whatever it is.
I pay the ultimate price: disembodiment and disconnection.
And I have no idea where love is anymore in myself or my body.
And I start to treat others the way I am treating myself: with a lack of mercy and compassion.
‘You should push yourself too!’
If I don’t treat others like shit, I simply turn that in on myself in a cloaked-self hatred, i.e. self-imposed martyrdom.
And NOBODY wants to be connected to a resentful martyr.
Hence the feeling of unending, soul-shattering disconnection.
And around goes the wash and spin cycle as yet another decision comes around to be made
And ultimately (until I break the cycle) I make another choice from a place of fear instead of a place of love.
Here are some insights about Love:
Love Pulls you toward it.
Love bends time (ever heard of Einstein’s theory of relativity?)
Love feels good. (oh yeah, + it can ache when you feel far from your beloved)
Love isn’t just for lovers.
Love is the "vital bond inherent"*
"Love is the secret"*
Love is the cry of the Universe for you to move toward it, toward connection, toward Truth, toward YOU.
You are the outpouring of Love from your Creator.
Your Creator loved you into Being.
And to feel connected you must feel that love filling you up….but if you cut off the ways, i.e. the road from the head down to the heart…that nourishing Love cannot reach you.
“Love Me that I may love thee, if thou lovest Me not, My love can in no wise reach thee”*
The greatest prison is the prison of the ego, that two inches of space between your brows. If you live up there, you’ll ALWAYS make choices from obligation and secretly hate yourself, your life, your choices, and be jealous of and angry toward others who aren’t putting themselves through self-torture as well.
What is the answer?
After my big divorce/bankruptcy/self-hatred fiasco-of-a-past life, I learned a few things (because I wasn't having any of that again) and here they are:
- SLOOOOOOW down and listen to your body.
- Do yoga or some other embodiment practice (do it DAILY, it takes time to unwind patterns of dis-embodiment)
- Breathe more deeply.
- Literally slow your days down, do less, be more, listen to your body's physical signals.
- Spend more time scanning your body from head-to-toe during decision-making processes.
Pay attention to these things:
- What does your body DO when you think of a choice-path?
- Do you feel lighter? Heavier? Does your solar-plexus squeeze shut? Does your head hurt? Does your body feel relaxed? etc....
- The body signals that are pleasurable are the ones that help you make your choice toward Love.
- The body signals that present discomfort represent choices that are not right for you or need some tweaking, or simply 'not now'.
- Take ONE step toward the choices that give your body pleasurable sensations, on action step.
- Then watch how your body responds to this positive action (basically it rewards you with more feedback, more accurate and clear feedback because it noticed you're ACTUALLY listening now)
- Then tune in again, look for the next Love-based action step you can take, and TAKE it.
- Watch your body reward you with more pleasure and peace.
- Keeeeeeep taking Love-based actions, until this becomes habit, like brushing your teeth.
I'd love to hear from you, share in the comments below: How does your body talk to you about your choices in life?
We can all learn from each other’s experiences!
(*All quotes excerpted from the Baha’i Sacred Writings)